Lawyer Jokes

Yes, even I laugh at lawyer jokes. Being one, I hear the best of the best. Here are a few of my favorite.

Q: How does a pregnant woman know she is carrying a future lawyer?
A: She has an extreme craving for baloney.

Q: What is the legal definition of “Appeal”?
A: Something a person slips on in a grocery store.

Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.

Q: What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 12?
A: Your Honor.

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.

Q: What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?
A: The caterer.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one.

Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.

Q: What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
A: Senator

Q: Did you hear they just released a new Barbie doll called "Divorced Barbie"?
A: Yeah, it comes with half of Ken's things and alimony.

Q: What's the difference between an attorney and a pit bull?
A: Jewelry.

Q: What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A: Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new Ferrari.

Q: What’s the difference between lawyers and accountants?
A: At least accountants know they’re boring.

Stories:

1. A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail, but his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money? In fact, when the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

2. As the lawyer woke up from surgery, he asked, "Why are all the blinds drawn?" The nurse answered, "There's a big fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you had died."

3. God decided to take the devil to court and settle their differences once and for all. Satan heard this, laughed and said, "And where do you think you're going to find a lawyer?"

And finally:

You Might Be A Lawyer If.... You are charging someone for reading these jokes.

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